well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
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He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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