We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize