I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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