I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
