we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
