Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
