I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
