i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
wow bdsm is so cute
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
