So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
