Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
