What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
