the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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