My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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