there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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