my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
