You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
