im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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