that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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