and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
