OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
