just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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