I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
