Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
