She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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