I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
