Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm having to shit out rocks
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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