I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
