He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He felt like a one man threesome
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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