I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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