I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
