I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
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Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
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He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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