if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize