I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
