I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize