he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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