I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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