They have a pepper shaker for pot.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
