angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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