I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
