Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
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