he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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