you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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