I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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