i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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