I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
