ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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