I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
