Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize