new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
