my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
