How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
