filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
