I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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