community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
