Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
