the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
