Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
