You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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