Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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