Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
